Hey Lady, Tell Me What You Know

Hey Lady, Tell Me What You Know

(Pictured: Leana Davis, your spicy advice columnist)

Here is your chance to write in and ask me for advice. Victor Valley College’s (VVC’s) very own Dear Abby, oops, did I just date myself? (The Dear Abby advice column was started in 1956 by Pauline Phillips and continues to this day by her daughter Jeanne Phillips)

Yes, I am older, so I have a lot of life lessons under my belt. Nope, I am not a licensed therapist or life coach, just an old lady who likes to help. 

I’m sure you are wondering if I have lived life enough to give advice? Oh buddy, I have lived more life than you can imagine.

I have first-hand experiences with abuse, divorce, long-term/short-term marriage, raising four kids, LGBTQ+, mental health, school, women’s health, cancer, death of close family members, living in poverty, scary fanatic religion, and much, much, more. Nothing will surprise me anymore. 

For this inaugural issue of my column, I had four questions thrown my way on juggling life, finding love, and time travel. 

Too much in Temecula asked: How does a person find a balance between school, work, and personal life? 

To achieve this, you have to learn how to juggle. Imagine each of those things as balls you are juggling. There are always two balls in the air and one in your hand. 

What you need to concentrate on is the one in your hand. When you have to work, attend school, and have a social life, you do not have enough time to do everything. 

Now re-read that last sentence. It’s crucial. You cannot do everything each day. So what do you do? Well, each day you have to decide what needs the most attention. Set a schedule and stick to it. 

For myself, I have found I study better in the morning but research better at night. So that is what I do. 

You can do research and braindumps during your lunch hour at work. During study time, only do it in 45-minute increments. Then the last 15 minutes of every hour is your time. 

After all that, remind yourself that this is not forever and it is just a moment in your life. It may seem like forever, but trust the old lady, this is just the commercial break for the rest of your life. 

I will add one more bit of advice; you always have to find time, every day, to spoil yourself. Everyone can find 30 minutes every day to do something special for themselves. It could be a game, a phone call, a hot steamy bath, or whatever it is you need to ground yourself and give you comfort. 

Balancing act in Barstow also wants to know how you do everything above plus throwing kids into the mix. 

Good luck is what I say. Your kids are possibly the most important job you will ever have and should always take top priority. This does not mean that you quit school and struggle financially for the rest of your lives to survive. 

You are the first and most significant example to your children of what to do in life. Be the good example. If you can, lean on your family and friends to give you a few hours a week to cram some uninterrupted study time. 

Set a schedule for your kids. They thrive on routine. It will help you plan your day better and also lets the kids know when you have time just for them. 

Trust me; you want to give them individual time each day. Sometimes it is only 15 minutes, so make sure you give them your undivided time for those moments.

If you show them the importance of self-improvement, you set them up for success in life. 

And lastly, freezer meals and one-pot meals will be your time-saving friend. If you go to pinterest.com and search either of those, you will find hundreds of recipes. One of my favorite one-pot meals is the Lo Mein one. 

Anything you can do to shave off a few minutes of the daily grind will help give you more time for you and those kids. Lastly, your daily mantra should be that this is not forever but only a few years. 

Afraid in Adelanto is worried she will never find the right guy. 

To her, I say, you won’t. There will never be one person who fits all the criteria you want in a significant other. But do you know who will? You. 

You will be able to treat yourself just how you want to be treated. Concentrate on being good to yourself first. Once you figure out what you need to be content, it will put you in places with other like-minded people.

At this point, you can just be with someone without worrying about what is missing in your life. 

Someone else will NOT complete you or be your other half. You are a wonderful human being, complete just as you are. You just need to find who you are, and then the rest will follow. 

But! Even if you find that someone special, the first thing you need to do is find out what they do wrong and then ask yourself, “Can I live with that for the rest of my life?” If you say yes, you may have a winner.

Snooping in Spring Valley asked a more personal question. They wanted to know if I time-traveled back to my 20-year-old self, what would I say.  

Well, that would be to get a therapist. Even though I had many years of therapy after I was raped, that only addressed that trauma. It did not address all the other traumas, bad habits, and old wounds I had. So yeah, therapy. I would tell myself to get lots of therapy. 

Oh! and I would also tell myself to love my mom harder and listen to my kids. Listen to their actions and not just their words because sometimes they don’t have the words yet to express what they need. 

*I am not certified or licensed in any way to give professional advice. I am an old.

If you want to ask The Old Lady to answer one of your questions, please fill out the form below. 

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